Speak Your Voice even if it F*cking Shakes

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The process of sharing my voice has been an uphill battle.

As a child and young adult I never truly felt safe in sharing my voice.

I didn’t know the rage it could carry when angry.

I didn’t know the gentle grace it has when soft.

I didn’t know how powerful it was to move crowds.

It has been in the last few years that I have given my voice a chance to be FREE. To say what it has never said. To feel the tremble of anxiety in front of crowds.

To be on Facebook live and teach webinars, do mediumship messages in front of strangers and liberate myself from the fears of judgment, rejection and disapproval.

Or worse.

My little girl is slowly leaving and my woman voice is rising.

She is firm. Stern. Soft. gentle. nurturing. compassionate, resilient as fuck.

She loves unconditionally.

She holds space with sacredness.

She gives because she just fucking wants to.

And… she curses. Because it feels good.

And these days I am all about doing whatever I can to feel better.

The goal isn’t 100% going to be to feel good. But I can make it a goal to feel better.

So I am giving myself permission to be FREE as fuck. In my communication.

In my message. In my loudness. In my softness.

I still am learning boundaries. To give and to receive.

TO SAY NO.

NO is still hard. It is safe for me to say no now with grace and ease.

For those who are not sure what their voice is or are stepping into the power of the voice here are some tools that have helped me:

  1. Scream. Find a mountain. Find a room. Your car. And scream as loud as you want to. Scream all the things that your heart hurts from! Scream all the things you want! Shout it into the universe! What are you deserving of? What are you healing from? Who do you want to curse out? DO IT! And don’t hold back.
  2. Sing. Sing in the shower. Sing strange sounds. Make up new words. Play with sound.
  3. Speak up. Be the first to speak up in a crowd of people. Raise your hand. Everyone else is probably too scared to speak their truth. Do it and be the source of change.

These are a few tools I practice to help me release, transform and hear what I want to say, what I need to say, and what I MUST say.

It doesn’t always have to make sense. It is an experiment with you finding, hearing, soothing your voice.

Be free voice, be free.

How #metoo changed my life.

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“Though she be but little, she is fierce.” – Shakespeare 

The #metoo movement. #timesup. Women are speaking out. It’s a powerful time in history for us.

It is a powerful time for me.

I have my own #metoo story. I can hear the naysayers call me a victim. The men who sexually abuse women not give a f*ck. The father predators not take responsibility.

And the women who hide. Hide their sexuality. Their femininity. Their stories.

Their voices.

I am one of those women. Every day it is a practice for me to come out from the shadows.

My survival tendency is to be a wallflower. To carry a badge of shame as if I asked for it.

I was just a kid. I was just a teenage girl. I was just trying to find my way.

They slap a label on us and somehow if it happened once it’s going to happen again.

What a shitty statistic to put on a woman. But this isn’t just about my story. It’s about her story.

Every woman who is afraid. To walk down the street. Who hunches her back. Hides her body.

Feels afraid to be intimate. Sexy. Too much. Not enough.

It is my mission to free myself by telling my story over and over again.

To find new ways to empower myself. New stories. New neuropathways.

A life after trauma is like learning how to walk again as an adult. I feel like for so many years I’ve been crawling. Hiding. In the fetal position.

Don’t touch me. Don’t cat call me. Don’t look at me that way. 

These are thoughts #metoo women live with. And these are the thoughts I am learning to let go. To embrace a new way of being.

I have built healthy relationships. Forgiven myself. Forgiven the hims’. My father. My 2nd father. All the men I hated after them.

#metoo gives us a voice. To free ourselves from the pain we live with every day.

And to trust again. To trust ourselves. To let go of shame.

And to know there are good people in the world who want to love us in all our ways.

To love ourselves. To know we are enough.

Maya Angelou, a hero of mine shared her wise words of poetry,

The caged bird sings   
with a fearful trill   
of things unknown   
but longed for still   
and his tune is heard   
on the distant hill   
for the caged bird   
sings of freedom.
#metoo changed my life. I write for freedom. For her story to be sung. For all of our stories.

The Love You Give to Another.

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“Could I love him

any more deeply?”,

I asked myself after we ended our evening call.

Perhaps it is not

the depths of my love that needs to be measured.

But the trust

to know

that it is there.

The thing about relationships

is we hope the other will get us,

fill us up

when we are empty,

calm our storms

when we can’t see the rainbow.

I’ve learned through trial and error

there is no soul

that can fill us up

but our own.

Use the love you give to another

and let it be the medicine

you give to yourself.

The first song you sing in the morning,

the first drop of coffee on your tongue,

the first light that hits your window,

yes, my love

give your love to another

but first

give it

to

yourself.

 

 

 

 

Author Interview: Emily Stroia

Great interview with Coffee n Notes on my book, Into the Light!

Welcome to Coffee n’ Notes. Today, I’d like to welcome Emily Stroia, author of Into The Light, for an author Interview.

About the author

Emily is an intuitive teacher, spiritual leader, author and artist. Emily first discovered her gifts of intuition and creativity as a child and was placed in a highly gifted program for children. She often explored her gifts through writing, art, and experienced frequent visions and dreams that would turn out to be accurate. Not understanding fully why or how she was able to do this, she decided to study.
She has always felt a strong attraction to the metaphysical and spiritual aspects of life and continues to delve deeper into each. Believing strongly in her intuitive gifts, as well as wanting to express her deep desire to help people, Emily decided to utilize her abilities to turn her passion into a profession. 
Her…

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How to Come Out of the Spiritual Closet

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“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”. – Anais Nin

Coming out the spiritual closet can be terrifying. I know.

My journey to owning my gifts has been an ongoing relationship of love, acceptance and surrender.

I feel that most days I am uncomfortable but in my practice of being human I remember that I am not separate from others.

If anything my gifts brings me closer to connection, trust and vulnerability.

Talking dreams, spirit, intuition and all the things that are still becoming mainstream can be scary but yet invigorating.

I find liberation in my practice through yoga, pranayama, journaling and meditation. I find answers that I otherwise don’t get it in my waking life.

The process to discovering, owning and then sharing our gifts with the world is a delicate journey.

Some people leap right in and for some of us it takes time.

I like to remind myself that on the other side of fear is freedom.

It is a constant practice of sharing my gifts with the world.

This is true for anyone passionate about anything. Artists, writers, creatives, chefs, craftsmanship. It all requires a sense of mastery and surrender.

Letting go of the effect but trusting in the process.

Coming out of the spiritual closet requires:

  1. Remembering “WHY” we fell in love with the art of spirituality
  2. Having a vision that we are committed to, i.e. I teach people life-changing spiritual tools so they can live free, transformed and intuitively guided lives supported by the universe.
  3. Surrender, i.e. surrendering to being present with every moment being a gift to share something beautiful about ourselves in hopes of helping another
  4. Trust; trusting that there is a reason and purpose for what we feel to be true in our nature and relationship to self and the universe.

Start big, start small. Mainly just start.

The first step begins now.

On the other side of every doubt, fear, insecurity is a new gift waiting to be received.

What It’s Like to Live with Spiritual Gifts

“Living with spiritual gifts must feel weird, huh?”

“Can you turn it off ever?”

“Do you pick up on everything around you?”

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These are some of questions people ask me when I tell them I am intuitive.

I share that I can feel information about someone.

I can also feel information from passed loved ones.

Living with spiritual gifts doesn’t feel any different from anyone else.

I don’t see my gifts different or separate from me. If anything it has led me to live a more fulfilled life.

I see my gifts as tools; tools that we all have.

You have them too.

It’s like watching a tree bloom in the spring.

The buds slowly come into their true expression, their form, beauty and color.

We are all really just coming into our full true authentic expression.

This is what it means to live a real life.

Gifts can be intuition, compassion, listening, craftsmanship, science, reasoning, art, dance.

We all have our own way of feeling, sensing and knowing life.

We have an inner world that we wake up in every morning.

Spiritual gifts give me insight into what I am doing that is bringing me closer to my dharma, my purpose in life. It also shows me what I need to let go, new ways to see life and bring healing to myself and others.

I wake up and have a chat with the universe first second my brain turns on.

I listen to the thoughts that arrive.

I listen to the intuitive knowledge that comes.

How can I best serve myself and others today?, is the question I ask.

Sometimes I know immediately.

Sometimes the answer comes later.

Intuitively I weave myself through my experiences from my cup of coffee, my morning talks with my boyfriend, client calls, writing, social media, my dog and yoga practice.

Every experience is a moment to serve. And intuitively receive.

I gain new wisdom and fresh knowledge.

New information to share in the world.

This is a potent time for people to realize who they were all along.

My gifts bring me sanity, happiness, joy and love.

They show me what really is necessary and what I am getting distracted by.

Discovering your spiritual gifts opens a door that was always there.

As the great witch from the Wizard of Oz said to Dorothy, “You had the power all along, my dear”.

We have the power to find home inside of us.

The universe and all of it’s infinite wisdom is right here.

Open your senses and listen.

Guest Post: Forgiving The Unforgivable by Emily Stroia

Guest post on Forgiving the Unforgivable on the Reading Bud.

The Reading Bud

Today, at TRB Lounge, we are hosting author Emily Stroia, author of Into The Light.

Presenting Emily Stroia…

Forgiving The Unforgivable

For the longest time I didn’t know how I could forgive my parents. All I ever wanted from them was to have a loving healthy relationship. I couldn’t understand why or how they became the way they did.

Growing up in an abusive home showed me experiences that I didn’t need to see. Experiencing sexual abuse from my Father destroyed any last hope that things could truly be different.

I hoped that every time we talked it would be different and that miraculously he would be the Father I always dreamed of. My hope turned slowly into resentment and anger.

There simply wasn’t anything left in me to forgive a man who kept repeating the same behaviors.

In turn it only made me worse in my relationships with…

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