When Your Grief Takes Over

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Grief is such a personal process.

For me I know that I can take my grief out on others.

I retreat, isolate, get irritable and want to be alone.

I lose interest in the things that once made me happy and start to see life as the glass is half-empty rather than half-full.

We all have different coping strategies for grieving.

In my work as a spiritual teacher and medium working with people who have lost their loved ones grief comes up a lot. They all have different ways to cope.

And the one thing that stays the same is that is is hard.

If you are grieving or know someone who is grieving sometimes the best thing you can offer yourself or another is time.

What do you need? What does this person need?

I am learning in moments of grief to ask for support and to not go about it alone.

To be visible and transparent. To let others in and to also get support and resources from expert when I am struggling.

When your grief takes over, pause.

Breathe.

Ask yourself what do you need right now?

The goal isn’t to avoid the pain but to find ways to cope in a healthy way.

To feel better than 5 seconds ago. 5 minutes ago.

Gentle acts of self-love can be big stepping stones for yourself and others.

The road to recovery in grief is your journey.

Look within for the right tools to get you there in a healthy way.

You are not alone.

The Tale & Healing from Sexual Abuse

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Last night I watched The Tale, a new movie on HBO based on true events of the director Jennifer Fox’s life. She was sexually abused by her running coach at thirteen.

Usually I opt out of watching these movies because they do trigger me. For anyone reading if you watch the movie, know that you might be triggered.

There are some graphic scenes that made me sick to my stomach.

I saw myself in the main character. She resonated with me in her journey of discovering that she was sexually abused and accepting it.

I don’t know about every woman but I do know that for years I couldn’t accept the truth. It was a slow agonizing process to realize that my father wanted to have sex with me.

Even as I type these words I feel sick to my stomach.

Watching The Tale last night only magnified my feelings around sexual trauma.

I was very promiscuous in my twenties. I experimented with women. I experimented with polyamory relationships. I have wondered if my experimenting had anything to do with the trauma around intimacy.

In the film, the perpetrator tells the victim it was her. He was in his forties and she was a thirteen year old girl. It was her fault that it happened.

I remember many times my father saying the exact same words.

It was my fault. I wanted it. 

The journey of sharing my story has been a slow process.

I have held shame around it as if I was the cause of all the abuse.

I know now that it isn’t the case.

I felt an obligation to protect my parents. I shouldn’t talk badly about them. 

Or talk about what happened.

If you ever find yourself saying shouldn’t remove it from the sentence immediately.

It only brings guilt.

I lived with another family at sixteen.

In the film the main character idolizes two adults who become like her family.

I remember idolizing this family as well.

They adopted me and I moved in with them.

As the adopted father and I grew closer I remember several conversations of him sharing that if he had met me years before his wife we would be together.

I was sitting at the kitchen table doing my homework.

I remember thinking, “Oh no. This can’t be happening again.”.

It was a scary life for me as a budding teenager.

I know that many times I thought I should try dating women because then I’d be safe.

I wasn’t particularly sexually attracted to them as I was emotionally.

I wanted to feel safe.

They made me feel safe.

The Tale shows that a young girl wants to feel special especially by her family.

To feel safe. And loved.

We all do.

The main character freed herself in her own way by speaking her truth.

But remember this is based on the director’s life.

I admire Jennifer Fox for taking her pain and creating a powerful message with it.

I am just starting to really talk about the years of trauma I experienced.

Thank you Jennifer for being a voice for us. For giving us perspective into your journey.

I look forward to taking my story and impacting millions of women with it.

 

How to Come Out of the Spiritual Closet

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“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”. – Anais Nin

Coming out the spiritual closet can be terrifying. I know.

My journey to owning my gifts has been an ongoing relationship of love, acceptance and surrender.

I feel that most days I am uncomfortable but in my practice of being human I remember that I am not separate from others.

If anything my gifts brings me closer to connection, trust and vulnerability.

Talking dreams, spirit, intuition and all the things that are still becoming mainstream can be scary but yet invigorating.

I find liberation in my practice through yoga, pranayama, journaling and meditation. I find answers that I otherwise don’t get it in my waking life.

The process to discovering, owning and then sharing our gifts with the world is a delicate journey.

Some people leap right in and for some of us it takes time.

I like to remind myself that on the other side of fear is freedom.

It is a constant practice of sharing my gifts with the world.

This is true for anyone passionate about anything. Artists, writers, creatives, chefs, craftsmanship. It all requires a sense of mastery and surrender.

Letting go of the effect but trusting in the process.

Coming out of the spiritual closet requires:

  1. Remembering “WHY” we fell in love with the art of spirituality
  2. Having a vision that we are committed to, i.e. I teach people life-changing spiritual tools so they can live free, transformed and intuitively guided lives supported by the universe.
  3. Surrender, i.e. surrendering to being present with every moment being a gift to share something beautiful about ourselves in hopes of helping another
  4. Trust; trusting that there is a reason and purpose for what we feel to be true in our nature and relationship to self and the universe.

Start big, start small. Mainly just start.

The first step begins now.

On the other side of every doubt, fear, insecurity is a new gift waiting to be received.

Breaking out of our Comfort Zone & Fears

freedom  Regardless of where we are at in life, there is always an aspect that we are extremely comfortable in whether it’s a relationship, career, location, dietary habits, etc. The reasons behind this may be because we are truly happy with being comfortable, safety, stability or whatever else drives us to be there in that place of comfort.

Is comfort necessarily a bad thing? No. However it is when you are no longer growing, when you remain stagnant in this place, your “comfort zone”.  Some of us grow accustomed to the predictable, the known and unwavering energy that this has provided. So then what happens? What if we are miserable yet comfortable in the misery? This can relate to many things, i.e. career choice/fear of relationships/fear of leaving a relationship, location, health habits, exercise, spiritual choices.

Are we really creatures of habit? Perhaps. I’d like to think we are capable of so much more though. All my life I have been trying to break past that mold of comfort. Lately I have hit a wall in some areas and know that in order for me to step into my true power I must let go of some things, including those I surround myself with. It’s hard to leave that place that served to be a source of something stable or comfort for so long.

I recently read somewhere that behind all of our fears is love. Love is limitless. Now this has nothing to do with romantic love, this is just love for life, love for yourself, for what makes you happy and for those you care about. So if we could somehow channel this love into our lives more I think we could break past the molds we create, the prisons we live in and the burdens we carry all out of comfort.

So what’s it going to be? How has this first month of 2014 treated you? Have you shown up for yourself and your success? What steps are you taking to break out of that comfort zone? We truly are capable of so much more than where we are standing. I’ve manage to channel a lifetime of abuse into a successful career and used it as my motivation to help others.

Perhaps you can also channel your experiences, your place of comfort or discomfort and excel beyond your own expectations. I’m not saying we all need to be like me. I’m only encouraging you to consider your options. Looking at your life right now, what are you comfortable yet uncomfortable with in your life? What can you do today, at this very moment to make changes to break out of that mold?

Every tiny step counts. Whatever we can do to start activating the energy to move is when we begin to grow and to move outside of our comfort zone into the new path for our life. Yes, it can be scary but I swear it’s worth it and never  ever once think it’s too late.

 

 

Painful Endings & New Beginnings

ImageEverything comes to an end and our lives go through a series of cycles. You will meet people who are going to touch you on a deeper level and potentially turn your “normal” world upside down. We’ve all been there. Personally, I have a hard time with endings. It’s difficult for me to release, let go and be present during heartbreak. I struggle with clinging to all the possibilities, what ifs, and how I could have done something to change the outcome.

But one thing I have learned in this process of letting go and moving forward is that my soul has already begun to open up to the possibility of a new beginning. It’s painful to let go of something that once was. Yet at the same time, there is a reason it ended and for now, maybe you need this time for yourself. I’m a spiritual person and believe we need these experiences to not only teach ourselves but to teach others.

So how can we cope effectively with these painful endings in our lives? We could cry, scream and hurt for a while. We could turn to our friends and family for support and understanding. Or we could do a lot of soul-searching and self-work and see what it is that we need to change about ourselves to attract something or someone better.

Endings are never easy to process or deal with. There will be pain, tears, anger and resentment. The best way to approach it really is to just feel all the emotions and understand that you don’t need to OVER anything by a specific time. I sometimes feel that there is too much pressure to move forward so quickly and forget about what has happened. That’s no way to deal with anything. We need to experience these emotions and to go through them. It’s the only way to truly understand yourself and what you need in your life in the future.

Be easy on yourself. Be compassionate and show yourself a lot of LOVE. Feel free to ask your friends and family for support and to just be there. You would be surprised as to how many people are willing to just listen. Find out what makes you happy again and most importantly, understand that this is also a new beginning for you. Be open to what the Universe will present to you, opportunities and encounters that could lead you to something better.