From the Abused Daughter: Father’s Day Reflections

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Photo by Sheryl Nields. 

Today I asked Father’s day what I could learn from it.

For years we haven’t had the best relationship.

I dreaded the day it came and wished I could ignore the loud messages of happy moments of little girls with their fathers.

If only I could know what that feels like.

Father’s day responded and said self-love.

Celebrate the men who are good fathers.

The great men who love their children with pure love unconditionally, who show up consistently and relentlessly for their children no matter their life circumstances.

My wounded self wanted to come out and play the same story of hatred towards my father but that story just doesn’t sit well inside of me anymore.

I have grown past the wound like an overgrown toenail ready to fall off.

I can’t celebrate him but I can celebrate my growth, my resiliency and my strength after.

I grieve the opportunity to have a father to call to say I love you and feel safe in saying it.

I see today as a gift to myself and to the great men in my life who show up for their families, children and loved ones and me.

You will be the heroes for the women who have lost faith in men.

Happy Father’s day.

Manifesting What I Wanted Flat Broke and Confused

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My manifestation journey has been one of trust, intuition and conversation.

It can be hard to stay connected to your vision when in the process of moving.

I have had a powerful journey of manifesting what I wanted when I had very little to no money and just a vision in my mind and heart.

I had this nudge to move from New York City to Los Angeles a year and a half ago.

Based on my inner voice telling me that I was going to move here.

At the time it sounded absurd especially because I created a whole life in New York.

I gave up my tiny studio apartment in the Bronx and couch surfed with a friend in Brooklyn for three months.

It was a process to accept that I was at a turning point in my life.

I felt depressed and confused.

I knew that I couldn’t stay in New York much longer. It was becoming so hard to be there from the cold to the busy madness of the city. I was leaving a subculture behind. I was leaving a relationship of two years.

And a relationship of ten years with New York.

When I really decided I would move to Los Angeles it was a process.

I flew out to LA several times. I didn’t find a place to live until about a year after deciding to move.

I didn’t want to just settle for anything. I had a vision in my mind.

I was going to live in a house close to the beach. I would be close enough to get to the mountains for hiking. I wouldn’t pay more than $1500 a month for rent. I didn’t want to buy furniture.

I just wanted to show up and start my life.

Within a year I told anyone I was in conversation with that I was moving to Los Angeles.

And in that year synchronistically I found a place via word of mouth in a conversation in New York City. A friend shared her friends were moving back to NYC and they were living in a house.

And there it was. I flew out shortly after, met my future roommate who now has become a great friend and put my deposit down.

It was a house near the beach. The rent was exactly $1500. It was furnished.

It was everything I envisioned!

And it was seamless to move in.

I didn’t have much money saved. And I just knew I would make it work.

From that day forward my life has completely changed.

I have invested in two years of self-development training from emotional intelligence to yoga teacher training.

It has helped me grow into the woman I want to be and also helped me leave behind so much of my identity that was unhealthy.

Not just that but I have manifested some beautiful surprises.

I am now in a committed partnership with a man I met one month after moving here.

We are going to be having a child soon due in December.

I am entering the next chapter of my life of Motherhood and loving a human that I haven’t even met yet.

I am still finding my footing financially after so much in self-investment. But I remember my vision. To a well-known author and teacher.

Who makes enough to support her family and more. Who makes a social impact in education and food injustice.

I don’t have much money right now.

And that’s okay.

I have my well-being. My health.

My partner. My support system.

And a whole lot of LOVE. More than love than I ever had as a kid.

And the best part is that I get to channel all of that to my kid.

We think we need so much money to manifest what we want in life.

But the truth is you don’t. You need a good head on your shoulders, a vision and good people.

Share what you most want to manifest. Envision it in your mind.

Trust your feelings. Act on them. Some processes take a little time but the rewards come in plenty.

These are the tools I have learned in my manifestation process that will continue to get me to where I want to be:

  1. Trust the nudge. Your inner gut. The persistent voice in your head to make a move.
  2. Talk about it. Write about it.
  3. Envision it and see how it feels in the future. Imagine yourself there. What are you doing? Who is around you? What are you creating?
  4. Go where your vision is. For me it was moving to LA. So I flew out here many times. I made friends every time. I explored the community. I talked to people. I networked. When I felt a partner coming in my life I meditated. I joined an app and decided to give it a shot. I followed some love experts advice on dating. I did something new that I wouldn’t do in my dating process normally.
  5. Do what you never do. Don’t go where you feel comfortable. Go where you are uncomfortable.
  6. Get support. Surround yourself with good people in your life. Who are on the same path. Vision oriented people. Of integrity that you can trust.

The rest will fall into place. It is isn’t a matter of how but WHO.

 

 

 

 

How to Come Out of the Spiritual Closet

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“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”. – Anais Nin

Coming out the spiritual closet can be terrifying. I know.

My journey to owning my gifts has been an ongoing relationship of love, acceptance and surrender.

I feel that most days I am uncomfortable but in my practice of being human I remember that I am not separate from others.

If anything my gifts brings me closer to connection, trust and vulnerability.

Talking dreams, spirit, intuition and all the things that are still becoming mainstream can be scary but yet invigorating.

I find liberation in my practice through yoga, pranayama, journaling and meditation. I find answers that I otherwise don’t get it in my waking life.

The process to discovering, owning and then sharing our gifts with the world is a delicate journey.

Some people leap right in and for some of us it takes time.

I like to remind myself that on the other side of fear is freedom.

It is a constant practice of sharing my gifts with the world.

This is true for anyone passionate about anything. Artists, writers, creatives, chefs, craftsmanship. It all requires a sense of mastery and surrender.

Letting go of the effect but trusting in the process.

Coming out of the spiritual closet requires:

  1. Remembering “WHY” we fell in love with the art of spirituality
  2. Having a vision that we are committed to, i.e. I teach people life-changing spiritual tools so they can live free, transformed and intuitively guided lives supported by the universe.
  3. Surrender, i.e. surrendering to being present with every moment being a gift to share something beautiful about ourselves in hopes of helping another
  4. Trust; trusting that there is a reason and purpose for what we feel to be true in our nature and relationship to self and the universe.

Start big, start small. Mainly just start.

The first step begins now.

On the other side of every doubt, fear, insecurity is a new gift waiting to be received.

How My Intuition Became My Home

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“At times you have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover is yourself.” — Alan Alda

Our intuition manifests in different ways. Often times we experience intuitive phenomena with our families, loved ones, dreams and the paranormal. Sometimes our intuition may peak during transitions or after loss and trauma.

For me, my experience of discovering my spiritual gifts was a little different than some of the common stories you hear of people seeing spirits growing up or things of sort.

I grew up in an extremely challenging and abusive home where my parents weren’t the safest nor healthiest role models to guide or show me the way.

My natural response to the constant emotional distress was to turn inward to my inner voice and imagination. I discovered my gifts of creativity, writing, and intuition. I found safety, refuge and a home in these gifts and spent many nights journaling and praying to the Universe.

I often consulted with my intuition and looked for signs in my daily environment as answers. If I couldn’t change my outside circumstances I could most definitely change the little world that I lived in within.

I didn’t know at the time that I had spiritual gifts. I only knew I was unique and had a story I wanted to share to help someone else find their way through a dark time. You see, I always had this resilient spirit and I never let my circumstances bring me down for too long.

I just knew that I was given a story that I could possibly help save someone else’s life with. I knew that my childhood and teen years of trauma and pain didn’t happen for nothing.

I wasn’t going to leave behind a war zone with just scars. I knew that the universe had a special plan for me so I surrendered and let my soul guide me.

After I moved away from home, I vowed I would leave it all behind, start fresh and forget about all of it. However, no matter how far we try to run from the past it always does seem to find us.

I realized I couldn’t run, forget or bury it so I allowed it to transform my life. My intuitive and spiritual gifts began to blossom and I found a passion in healing myself not just through therapy but with spirituality.

I started to meditate and attended workshops on every type of spiritual art out there including psychic development, mediumship, crystal healing and hypnotherapy. With every class I took I discovered a real passion in spirituality. My soul began to heal and release parts of my past that still haunted me.

My nightmares and night terrors went away. I got over a lot of anxiety with public speaking and speaking in general. I stopped being afraid of people and started looking them in the eye again. I gave the world a chance and opened up to building more intimate connections despite my fears.

In this journey I discovered, healed and released so much. I realized I really did have a gift of helping people and not just any gift but an array of spiritual and intuitive gifts.

Now I teach spiritual mentorship and work with people privately. I help them see their light when they have lost their way.

I let my intuition guide me to a home that is sacred and only mine, my spiritual home.

We are so much more than stories and what has happened to us.

We are miracles. Allow yours to take place.

*this article was also published on Huffington Post, Read Here.*

Discovering Your Soul’s Purpose with Three Simple Practices

https://i2.wp.com/stepconsulting.ca/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/purpose_examples3-600x325.jpgWe are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.  -Mary Dunbar

Do you ever wonder what your purpose in life is? Or question when you will ever find it? The journey to discovering what your soul’s purpose is can sometimes feel long and never-ending. People have asked me, “How will I know that this is my purpose?”

Well, to be quite frank, sometimes you know right away what your purpose is and other times, you don’t. You may have some idea of what you want to do or what you want to be when you “grow up” but that’s it. Other times, you will feel like you are walking in the dark with no light and no one to tell you which way to go.

So many times, I have felt this way. As a child I knew I was drawn to helping people.  I had a heart of compassion, empathized and listened well. I knew I wanted to empower people to be happy and find themselves. However, over time even that desire was grey. Did I want to be a psychologist, life coach or counselor? The corporate world never resonated with me. I am more of a free spirit, discovering my path as I go. So after I graduated from college and the question came to, “What do I want to do with my life?”

I had no idea except to start a business of my own as an intuitive coach. Going out on a whim, I decided to take the leap and trust that this is what my soul wanted. I had no idea that it would lead me to where I am today, a thriving business owner, entrepreneur and consultant for helping people lead more fulfilled and empowered lives.

Taking the leap towards a passion or interest is like walking on a tightrope and hoping you don’t fall. You can’t look back and definitely are too afraid to look down. You just have to keep going forward and have faith that your intuition led you here for a reason.

So how can you begin the journey to discover your soul’s purpose? Here are three easy tips to finding your soul’s purpose.

1. Do more of what excites YOU!  Practice doing more things that make you excited, happy or joyful. What do you enjoy doing weekly or daily? Is it reading inspirational blog posts in the morning before work? Exercise or cooking?

This doesn’t mean it is your soul purpose to exercise or cook all the time but do know that these interests are what your soul needs more of. Think of your soul as a plant. It needs spiritual, mental, emotional and physical nourishment to grow and expand. The more you do, play and experiment the more you will discover.

2. Who are your icons? Who do you pay attention to most? These can be your favorite brands/public figures/characters in books or television show.

Why are you drawn to them? What excites you about them? Who do you aspire to be like?  List 5 qualities about 2-3 top icons/brands that you love and why. Now practice integrating those qualities more into your life.

3. Patience & Non-comparison- Realize this is where you are now and accept it. Most times we get caught up in resisting the here & now because we are in rat race to get to the final destination. Practice enjoying the moment more.

Remember, discovering your soul’s purpose isn’t always something you wake up with in your head or just dawns you. Sometimes it takes time and experimentation to really discover it. The more you practice doing simple and small tasks everyday of what you love and excites you, you start to grow into that of which you already are.

(this article was also published on HuffPost)

Embracing Who You Really Are

https://i0.wp.com/goldenwordsofself.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/embrace-yourself.jpg “Embrace who you are and don’t make any apologies for being yourself.”

Have you ever felt ashamed of who you are? Do you shy away from showing your real self? Are you afraid of what others will think of you, flaws and all? The ultimate battle between who we are and who we think we should be can be a loud voice inside our heads, stopping us from “coming out” with our truth.

However, letting outside beliefs, conditions or people dictate how we live isn’t okay. Neither is living in an emotional prison that may have been built by yourself and others. We create the lives we live. There isn’t anyone else who really has control over our personality, lifestyle or beliefs unless we give them that power.

For years, I felt ashamed of the person I am. I felt like I needed to hide my past from people, to hide the dark truths of my life and also just hide myself. I felt the desire to please people first instead of making myself happy because that is what I believed real friendship and love depended on. If I was everything they wanted me to be then I would have a friend, partner or mentor to be there for me like I was for them.

However, I was rudely awakened. Making everyone else happy and putting my needs last was the worst thing I could have done for myself. Not only did I lose those people in the end but I also lost me. I was so afraid to talk, speak up or share what I was thinking and feeling. I didn’t want to be judged or seen as weak or naive.  I always felt the need to apologize for myself.

What I was actually doing was abusing myself and letting others abuse and take advantage of me. This is not love nor friendship.

You are the one who has the keys to your happiness. You can choose to express yourself in whichever way you want. Don’t live your life dependent on anyone’s beliefs, opinions or thoughts of you. I know it is much easier said than done but once you start embracing who you are, you begin to embrace your real happiness.

You are giving yourself the gift of true respect, authenticity and love. People who love you for you will be there and those that don’t, well that relationship wasn’t right for you anyway.

Way to start embracing who you really are right now:

  1. Live from your heart- Begin to check in with yourself and see how you are feeling throughout the day. Live from your heart and make decisions that won’t compromise your happiness later.
  2. Learn to say “no”- It is okay to say no. You can turn down an invite, or not always be the therapist for your friend to talk to. Put your needs first and if you aren’t fully comfortable there is nothing wrong with just plain saying,  “No” or “Not right now”. People are willing to wait and be patient.
  3. Set boundaries- Yes, we must all set boundaries but for us people-pleasers this can be the most difficult. If someone isn’t respecting your boundaries voice it in the most kind yet assertive way possible. You want to make your point and be clear.

Turn a new leaf today and start living, breathing and being

you.

How to Prepare for the Unexpected

It’s so easy to make plans in life. We live each day with a certain expectation and routine that we sort of already know what is to come. But what happens when our routine is disrupted by an unexpected event or circumstance?

Being a New Yorker, there are constant unexpected detours and changes throughout the day with commuting and subway issues to apartment problems. Just recently I was away and returned to my apartment flooded due to a frozen pipe that burst. Needless to say I was extremely irritated and annoyed that my entire schedule had to be reworked including where I was going to sleep because they were working on fixing the walls.

I asked those questions every person who experiences a tiny or large disaster asks, “Why me? What did I do Universe? What am I supposed to learn from this?”. Granted everything in my apartment was okay and is going to be okay, it’s just one of those things that made me question what was I doing to attract this energy in my life.

Luckily, friends offered their houses to me and I stayed with a friend for the weekend while repairs were done to my apartment. During my staycation away from home I realized a few things unexpected and unforeseen circumstances can teach us or at least taught me.

1. Take everything in stride

We can’t control everything that happens to us be it a breakup or a natural disaster. When it’s happening our worlds may feel turned upside down but just remember everything happens for a reason. Keep calm and take it in stride meaning don’t allow it to have so much emotional influence on you. Relax and try to see some of the positives.

2. Let go and let ‘God’.

I’m not a particularly religious person but I am spiritual and do believe there is a God-like energy in all of us, that we are all one and co-create with the universe. There is magic in letting go of a particular circumstance and surrendering it to God, Universe, source energy, whatever you want to call it.

Do the best you can with what you have and the rest leave it up to the Universe to orchestrate. There is magic behind every perceived negative event that occurs in our lives even if we don’t see it right away.

3. Ride the wave of change.

I’m an extremely disciplined person and it takes a lot for me to just calm down and relax my mind without thinking of the next step. It’s hard for me to accept change as it comes without thinking I’m being punished for something. When change comes embrace the good and bad feelings that may come. Initially it may all feel like a shock to the system but I’m sure there will positives to every change that arrives. Just ride it and see where it takes you.

4. Have fun & do your best.

Lastly, enjoy the journey. Wherever this is taking you, see it for what it is and do your best. Nothing in life is permanent. Allow yourself the opportunity to be open to where it leads and what new experiences will come from it.

“What can we take on trust in this uncertain life? Happiness, greatness, pride — nothing is secure, nothing keeps.”
~Euripides, Hecuba