Speak Your Voice even if it F*cking Shakes

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The process of sharing my voice has been an uphill battle.

As a child and young adult I never truly felt safe in sharing my voice.

I didn’t know the rage it could carry when angry.

I didn’t know the gentle grace it has when soft.

I didn’t know how powerful it was to move crowds.

It has been in the last few years that I have given my voice a chance to be FREE. To say what it has never said. To feel the tremble of anxiety in front of crowds.

To be on Facebook live and teach webinars, do mediumship messages in front of strangers and liberate myself from the fears of judgment, rejection and disapproval.

Or worse.

My little girl is slowly leaving and my woman voice is rising.

She is firm. Stern. Soft. gentle. nurturing. compassionate, resilient as fuck.

She loves unconditionally.

She holds space with sacredness.

She gives because she just fucking wants to.

And… she curses. Because it feels good.

And these days I am all about doing whatever I can to feel better.

The goal isn’t 100% going to be to feel good. But I can make it a goal to feel better.

So I am giving myself permission to be FREE as fuck. In my communication.

In my message. In my loudness. In my softness.

I still am learning boundaries. To give and to receive.

TO SAY NO.

NO is still hard. It is safe for me to say no now with grace and ease.

For those who are not sure what their voice is or are stepping into the power of the voice here are some tools that have helped me:

  1. Scream. Find a mountain. Find a room. Your car. And scream as loud as you want to. Scream all the things that your heart hurts from! Scream all the things you want! Shout it into the universe! What are you deserving of? What are you healing from? Who do you want to curse out? DO IT! And don’t hold back.
  2. Sing. Sing in the shower. Sing strange sounds. Make up new words. Play with sound.
  3. Speak up. Be the first to speak up in a crowd of people. Raise your hand. Everyone else is probably too scared to speak their truth. Do it and be the source of change.

These are a few tools I practice to help me release, transform and hear what I want to say, what I need to say, and what I MUST say.

It doesn’t always have to make sense. It is an experiment with you finding, hearing, soothing your voice.

Be free voice, be free.

Discovering Your Soul’s Purpose with Three Simple Practices

https://i2.wp.com/stepconsulting.ca/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/purpose_examples3-600x325.jpgWe are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.  -Mary Dunbar

Do you ever wonder what your purpose in life is? Or question when you will ever find it? The journey to discovering what your soul’s purpose is can sometimes feel long and never-ending. People have asked me, “How will I know that this is my purpose?”

Well, to be quite frank, sometimes you know right away what your purpose is and other times, you don’t. You may have some idea of what you want to do or what you want to be when you “grow up” but that’s it. Other times, you will feel like you are walking in the dark with no light and no one to tell you which way to go.

So many times, I have felt this way. As a child I knew I was drawn to helping people.  I had a heart of compassion, empathized and listened well. I knew I wanted to empower people to be happy and find themselves. However, over time even that desire was grey. Did I want to be a psychologist, life coach or counselor? The corporate world never resonated with me. I am more of a free spirit, discovering my path as I go. So after I graduated from college and the question came to, “What do I want to do with my life?”

I had no idea except to start a business of my own as an intuitive coach. Going out on a whim, I decided to take the leap and trust that this is what my soul wanted. I had no idea that it would lead me to where I am today, a thriving business owner, entrepreneur and consultant for helping people lead more fulfilled and empowered lives.

Taking the leap towards a passion or interest is like walking on a tightrope and hoping you don’t fall. You can’t look back and definitely are too afraid to look down. You just have to keep going forward and have faith that your intuition led you here for a reason.

So how can you begin the journey to discover your soul’s purpose? Here are three easy tips to finding your soul’s purpose.

1. Do more of what excites YOU!  Practice doing more things that make you excited, happy or joyful. What do you enjoy doing weekly or daily? Is it reading inspirational blog posts in the morning before work? Exercise or cooking?

This doesn’t mean it is your soul purpose to exercise or cook all the time but do know that these interests are what your soul needs more of. Think of your soul as a plant. It needs spiritual, mental, emotional and physical nourishment to grow and expand. The more you do, play and experiment the more you will discover.

2. Who are your icons? Who do you pay attention to most? These can be your favorite brands/public figures/characters in books or television show.

Why are you drawn to them? What excites you about them? Who do you aspire to be like?  List 5 qualities about 2-3 top icons/brands that you love and why. Now practice integrating those qualities more into your life.

3. Patience & Non-comparison- Realize this is where you are now and accept it. Most times we get caught up in resisting the here & now because we are in rat race to get to the final destination. Practice enjoying the moment more.

Remember, discovering your soul’s purpose isn’t always something you wake up with in your head or just dawns you. Sometimes it takes time and experimentation to really discover it. The more you practice doing simple and small tasks everyday of what you love and excites you, you start to grow into that of which you already are.

(this article was also published on HuffPost)

Embracing Who You Really Are

https://i0.wp.com/goldenwordsofself.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/embrace-yourself.jpg “Embrace who you are and don’t make any apologies for being yourself.”

Have you ever felt ashamed of who you are? Do you shy away from showing your real self? Are you afraid of what others will think of you, flaws and all? The ultimate battle between who we are and who we think we should be can be a loud voice inside our heads, stopping us from “coming out” with our truth.

However, letting outside beliefs, conditions or people dictate how we live isn’t okay. Neither is living in an emotional prison that may have been built by yourself and others. We create the lives we live. There isn’t anyone else who really has control over our personality, lifestyle or beliefs unless we give them that power.

For years, I felt ashamed of the person I am. I felt like I needed to hide my past from people, to hide the dark truths of my life and also just hide myself. I felt the desire to please people first instead of making myself happy because that is what I believed real friendship and love depended on. If I was everything they wanted me to be then I would have a friend, partner or mentor to be there for me like I was for them.

However, I was rudely awakened. Making everyone else happy and putting my needs last was the worst thing I could have done for myself. Not only did I lose those people in the end but I also lost me. I was so afraid to talk, speak up or share what I was thinking and feeling. I didn’t want to be judged or seen as weak or naive.  I always felt the need to apologize for myself.

What I was actually doing was abusing myself and letting others abuse and take advantage of me. This is not love nor friendship.

You are the one who has the keys to your happiness. You can choose to express yourself in whichever way you want. Don’t live your life dependent on anyone’s beliefs, opinions or thoughts of you. I know it is much easier said than done but once you start embracing who you are, you begin to embrace your real happiness.

You are giving yourself the gift of true respect, authenticity and love. People who love you for you will be there and those that don’t, well that relationship wasn’t right for you anyway.

Way to start embracing who you really are right now:

  1. Live from your heart- Begin to check in with yourself and see how you are feeling throughout the day. Live from your heart and make decisions that won’t compromise your happiness later.
  2. Learn to say “no”- It is okay to say no. You can turn down an invite, or not always be the therapist for your friend to talk to. Put your needs first and if you aren’t fully comfortable there is nothing wrong with just plain saying,  “No” or “Not right now”. People are willing to wait and be patient.
  3. Set boundaries- Yes, we must all set boundaries but for us people-pleasers this can be the most difficult. If someone isn’t respecting your boundaries voice it in the most kind yet assertive way possible. You want to make your point and be clear.

Turn a new leaf today and start living, breathing and being

you.

When Your Family Hurts You & It’s Time to Let Go

“At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.”

Blood is thicker than water or so they say.  All my life I’ve been taught that no matter what happens you will always have your family and to never turn your back on your own blood.

However, what if the people we call “family” end up hurting us more than loving us? Do we hold on and forget our feelings? Or do we let go and realize that sometimes we have to love even our family at a distance?

Recently, my brother who I haven’t spoken to in two years (of his own doing) sent me a series of hateful text messages. Mind you, the last memory I have with him is hugging and wishing him a safe deployment.

Upon his arrival home from Iraq, he dropped off the grid with his wife and isolated himself from me and all of our close cousins. We tried numerous times to contact and connect with him but he was adamant on cutting ties with all of us.  We had no idea why and couldn’t understand what could have possibly happened. So you can imagine when I woke up to hateful text messages two days before my birthday, I was in shock, appalled and hurt.

These messages were filled with hate, anger and curse words calling me every name under the sun and disowning me as a sister. I couldn’t believe he was okay with talking not just to his sister but a woman in such an abusive way. It was a wake up call about the relationship I have and tolerate from my parents and brother.

Through some sleepless nights of crying and feeling sorry for myself, I realized I had to let go and really say goodbye. It’s never an easy decision to close the door between you and your own blood. In the end, I realized the only person who I could change is me and that my family had been only bringing me unhappiness and toxicity.

I couldn’t allow them to drag me into their own dysfunction and abuse again. I had to reclaim my power as a person with feelings and boundaries.

Often times in situations with family, we tend to feel guilty or shame if we decide to cut ties or lessen communication. However, if the relationship is becoming extremely unhealthy, abusive or toxic it is necessary to place some space between you and them for your own well-being. Someone once told me that sometimes you have to teach people how you want to be treated.

If you are in a similar predicament with family or close loved one, here are some tips to help you cope with the loss of saying goodbye:

1. Set boundaries- I have always had trouble expressing my boundaries with my family. I always feel like they never understand my perspective. However through the years I have learned boundaries aren’t for them, they are for me. Whether they choose to listen or respect my concerns is on them, I know I have voiced it. I can then decide how to move forward with the relationship and evaluate whether it is healthy to be in communication or not.

Don’t be afraid to set boundaries with your family and express them many times if need be. If they aren’t listening or understanding your concerns then you may have to reassess what type of family dynamic is healthy for you.

2. The Funeral- This is an intense and powerful exercise if you are faced with the decision of possibly saying goodbye to your family or cutting all ties.

Write down letters to the family members who have hurt you. Make sure you to do this in a quiet and undisturbed space where you are most clear and at ease. Write from the heart and don’t be afraid to share how you feel. These letters won’t actually be read by those family members.

Imagine that they have passed and you are attending their funeral. What would you want to say to them? After you finish writing your letters, burn them and find a place to hold a memorial or ceremony with their “ashes”.

3. Release Guilt & Blame- If you are feeling guilty about putting space between you and your family, don’t. You are a person with feelings and don’t deserve to be treated less than. Don’t blame yourself or start thinking if you were a certain way or behaved differently perhaps they wouldn’t be the way they are. You are not in the wrong. Whenever anyone treats with you disrespect or abuse, you are never in the wrong. Let go of your guilt and don’t blame yourself for their actions or dysfunction.

Lastly, love yourself and start the journey to heal from the wounds of the past. You deserve it. You are stronger and braver than you know and no one can take away your power unless you give it to them. Trust in your decision to take your space and love your family from a distance. You are giving yourself the best gift of all, true self-love.

3 Lessons You Can Learn from Feeling Lost

“People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.” –Thomas Szasz

Have you ever felt lost? Do you feel lost right now with no direction? We have all been there and it’s not a pleasant feeling.

Feeling lost can be terrifying, nerve-wracking and yet eye-opening all at the same time.

Recently I went on a hike, the first of the summer. It started out great and then we took a wrong turn. Before we knew it, we were lost deep in the woods. It had already been 45 minutes and I was starting to lose my patience.

If things couldn’t get any worse I encountered a snake (my first time seeing one) which set me over the edge. I panicked and freaked out. I was extremely emotional and had a serious anxiety attack. I felt so out of control and lost. I wondered if we would ever get out of the woods and thoughts of being stuck or worse, death crossed my mind.

Eventually we found our way out of the woods by an entrance nowhere close to where we initially started. It was quite an experience and I learned some profound truths about being lost that day.

1. Control- The first thing about being lost is loss of control. You feel as if you have no control over anything and everything you have tried has failed. It is out of your hands.

So what DO you have control over? Yourself. It is easy to panic or listen to our irrational fears and thoughts. But it does nothing. It only makes the situation and circumstance feel worse.

Having control over your own thoughts and approach will lighten the load. You may not have the answer immediately to which direction to take but you can use your wise mind to make more rational and intuitive decisions.

Never make an impulsive decision when feeling lost. Making impulse decisions only add to the fears and lack of control you are experiencing. It is best to wait and go through the experience with a wiser awareness and approach before making a decision.

2. Direction-  One of the worst feelings about being lost is not knowing what path to take, feeling directionless or afraid that you will take the wrong path and miss out on something.

Being lost in the woods taught me that while we didn’t end up finishing where we started I was still on a path to somewhere. The unknown can be scary, extremely scary. Knowing what to expect creates a sense of safety. Safety is important but sometimes it prevents us from growing and going outside of our comfort zones.

The path you take may not be the one you hoped or anticipated but nevertheless it will teach you great things. It will lead you to places within that you may need to face or deal with. There is no right or wrong path. There may be detours or setbacks but these are also a part of the journey.

If everything we experienced came easily we may not understand certain human truths including empathy, compassion or trust.

3. Facing Inner Truths-  Sometimes it takes being lost to really find yourself and realize who you really are. You discover what makes you stronger and your own inner critic gets silenced. You experience an awakening and a deeper wisdom that perhaps wasn’t there before. It is okay to be lost. It is okay to feel alone in the experience. Just know it’s not a permanent experience or feeling.

“Nothing in life is permanent, not even our troubles.”

Listen to your inner voice and allow the unknown to guide you to your next destination.

Breaking out of our Comfort Zone & Fears

freedom  Regardless of where we are at in life, there is always an aspect that we are extremely comfortable in whether it’s a relationship, career, location, dietary habits, etc. The reasons behind this may be because we are truly happy with being comfortable, safety, stability or whatever else drives us to be there in that place of comfort.

Is comfort necessarily a bad thing? No. However it is when you are no longer growing, when you remain stagnant in this place, your “comfort zone”.  Some of us grow accustomed to the predictable, the known and unwavering energy that this has provided. So then what happens? What if we are miserable yet comfortable in the misery? This can relate to many things, i.e. career choice/fear of relationships/fear of leaving a relationship, location, health habits, exercise, spiritual choices.

Are we really creatures of habit? Perhaps. I’d like to think we are capable of so much more though. All my life I have been trying to break past that mold of comfort. Lately I have hit a wall in some areas and know that in order for me to step into my true power I must let go of some things, including those I surround myself with. It’s hard to leave that place that served to be a source of something stable or comfort for so long.

I recently read somewhere that behind all of our fears is love. Love is limitless. Now this has nothing to do with romantic love, this is just love for life, love for yourself, for what makes you happy and for those you care about. So if we could somehow channel this love into our lives more I think we could break past the molds we create, the prisons we live in and the burdens we carry all out of comfort.

So what’s it going to be? How has this first month of 2014 treated you? Have you shown up for yourself and your success? What steps are you taking to break out of that comfort zone? We truly are capable of so much more than where we are standing. I’ve manage to channel a lifetime of abuse into a successful career and used it as my motivation to help others.

Perhaps you can also channel your experiences, your place of comfort or discomfort and excel beyond your own expectations. I’m not saying we all need to be like me. I’m only encouraging you to consider your options. Looking at your life right now, what are you comfortable yet uncomfortable with in your life? What can you do today, at this very moment to make changes to break out of that mold?

Every tiny step counts. Whatever we can do to start activating the energy to move is when we begin to grow and to move outside of our comfort zone into the new path for our life. Yes, it can be scary but I swear it’s worth it and never  ever once think it’s too late.