How to Come Out of the Spiritual Closet

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“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”. – Anais Nin

Coming out the spiritual closet can be terrifying. I know.

My journey to owning my gifts has been an ongoing relationship of love, acceptance and surrender.

I feel that most days I am uncomfortable but in my practice of being human I remember that I am not separate from others.

If anything my gifts brings me closer to connection, trust and vulnerability.

Talking dreams, spirit, intuition and all the things that are still becoming mainstream can be scary but yet invigorating.

I find liberation in my practice through yoga, pranayama, journaling and meditation. I find answers that I otherwise don’t get it in my waking life.

The process to discovering, owning and then sharing our gifts with the world is a delicate journey.

Some people leap right in and for some of us it takes time.

I like to remind myself that on the other side of fear is freedom.

It is a constant practice of sharing my gifts with the world.

This is true for anyone passionate about anything. Artists, writers, creatives, chefs, craftsmanship. It all requires a sense of mastery and surrender.

Letting go of the effect but trusting in the process.

Coming out of the spiritual closet requires:

  1. Remembering “WHY” we fell in love with the art of spirituality
  2. Having a vision that we are committed to, i.e. I teach people life-changing spiritual tools so they can live free, transformed and intuitively guided lives supported by the universe.
  3. Surrender, i.e. surrendering to being present with every moment being a gift to share something beautiful about ourselves in hopes of helping another
  4. Trust; trusting that there is a reason and purpose for what we feel to be true in our nature and relationship to self and the universe.

Start big, start small. Mainly just start.

The first step begins now.

On the other side of every doubt, fear, insecurity is a new gift waiting to be received.

What It’s Like to Live with Spiritual Gifts

“Living with spiritual gifts must feel weird, huh?”

“Can you turn it off ever?”

“Do you pick up on everything around you?”

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These are some of questions people ask me when I tell them I am intuitive.

I share that I can feel information about someone.

I can also feel information from passed loved ones.

Living with spiritual gifts doesn’t feel any different from anyone else.

I don’t see my gifts different or separate from me. If anything it has led me to live a more fulfilled life.

I see my gifts as tools; tools that we all have.

You have them too.

It’s like watching a tree bloom in the spring.

The buds slowly come into their true expression, their form, beauty and color.

We are all really just coming into our full true authentic expression.

This is what it means to live a real life.

Gifts can be intuition, compassion, listening, craftsmanship, science, reasoning, art, dance.

We all have our own way of feeling, sensing and knowing life.

We have an inner world that we wake up in every morning.

Spiritual gifts give me insight into what I am doing that is bringing me closer to my dharma, my purpose in life. It also shows me what I need to let go, new ways to see life and bring healing to myself and others.

I wake up and have a chat with the universe first second my brain turns on.

I listen to the thoughts that arrive.

I listen to the intuitive knowledge that comes.

How can I best serve myself and others today?, is the question I ask.

Sometimes I know immediately.

Sometimes the answer comes later.

Intuitively I weave myself through my experiences from my cup of coffee, my morning talks with my boyfriend, client calls, writing, social media, my dog and yoga practice.

Every experience is a moment to serve. And intuitively receive.

I gain new wisdom and fresh knowledge.

New information to share in the world.

This is a potent time for people to realize who they were all along.

My gifts bring me sanity, happiness, joy and love.

They show me what really is necessary and what I am getting distracted by.

Discovering your spiritual gifts opens a door that was always there.

As the great witch from the Wizard of Oz said to Dorothy, “You had the power all along, my dear”.

We have the power to find home inside of us.

The universe and all of it’s infinite wisdom is right here.

Open your senses and listen.

Finding Your Way Through the Darkness

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When you are the end of your rope, tie a know and hold on. When you think you are at the end of your journey, reach out your hand and someone will meet you there.” – Emily Stroia, Into the Light 

I know the darkness like an old friend who comes to haunt me when I start falling into old belief patterns. I know the darkness like a wave that I have been submerged under and also conquered.

The darkness is there to show us how far we can go down the rabbit hole or climb up it. It is there to show us our edge.

Our minds are powerful guides that can take us on a journey of destruction or resilience.

For me I have experienced both.

I know that the path of sabotage and destruction has only made me feel worse. Resilience when life knocks me down reminds me that I am greater than my circumstance. I am greater than the darkness.

Finding your way through the darkness requires faith.

Faith that there is a silver lining somewhere.

If you can’t find it relentlessly create it.

Make art from the darkness.

Write.

Let the chaos serve a purpose that is healthy.

Move your body. Let music carry your emotions.

We have two choices.

We can fall to the power of our fear or let the fear has it’s voice and keep going.

Like any thing in life if we want it we can push through.

The darkness can be a friend, a gift, an opportunity to see life from all perspectives.

My favorite quote, “But without the darkness we cannot see the stars”.

I have realized that without my story I wouldn’t be the light I am.

We are never alone. The universe supports us in all things.

Dreams & Old Hurts.

What we want versus what we must do are two very completely different things. In my quest to heal the traumas of the past I have learned that the only way out is through.

I may not want to go through the process to reflect and clear trauma but I know that I must to make space for it.

To give it a voice and to let all the hurt from those memories be free.

18076689_10155351021101424_2776611793883934728_oYesterday I went very deep in two meditations enough to forget my body for a split second. I jolted back into the reality of my teacher’s voice and noticed where my mind had gone.

I went into an archive tucked away in time to a distant and near memories. One of which I got my heart broken and the other a trauma around the belief of not being lovable.

Sad but true.

Meditation is such a phenomenal tool in gaining insight on what is underneath all of the layers of my “self”.

In it I gain perspective and some peace that wasn’t there before.

This morning I woke up from several intense dreams where I released some buried hurt around two very traumatic relationships. One of my father where he transformed into a hummingbird and passed away.

I realized that in my hurt I could still see his worthiness. While he may not transform in this life he has the opportunity to transform in other dimensions.

We are never truly fixed as we are.

Dreams are opportunities for us to grow, expand and learn outside of ourselves. With intention and awareness I believe we can heal a lot in the dream state.

We are worthy of giving ourselves this.

Kintsugi is the art of embracing the flawed and imperfect by mending together broken and shattered pottery with gold lacquer highlighting the cracks rather than hiding them.

I like to consider that my healing journey is like the art of Kintsugi. Perhaps my heart is a mirror of the image above.

Pure with gold outlines.

Whatever our old hurts may be we can take them and give them light. Show them there is still beauty in the flaws.

The story is perfect and whole as we are.

-From Emily, With Love.

 

 

Embracing Who You Really Are

https://i0.wp.com/goldenwordsofself.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/embrace-yourself.jpg “Embrace who you are and don’t make any apologies for being yourself.”

Have you ever felt ashamed of who you are? Do you shy away from showing your real self? Are you afraid of what others will think of you, flaws and all? The ultimate battle between who we are and who we think we should be can be a loud voice inside our heads, stopping us from “coming out” with our truth.

However, letting outside beliefs, conditions or people dictate how we live isn’t okay. Neither is living in an emotional prison that may have been built by yourself and others. We create the lives we live. There isn’t anyone else who really has control over our personality, lifestyle or beliefs unless we give them that power.

For years, I felt ashamed of the person I am. I felt like I needed to hide my past from people, to hide the dark truths of my life and also just hide myself. I felt the desire to please people first instead of making myself happy because that is what I believed real friendship and love depended on. If I was everything they wanted me to be then I would have a friend, partner or mentor to be there for me like I was for them.

However, I was rudely awakened. Making everyone else happy and putting my needs last was the worst thing I could have done for myself. Not only did I lose those people in the end but I also lost me. I was so afraid to talk, speak up or share what I was thinking and feeling. I didn’t want to be judged or seen as weak or naive.  I always felt the need to apologize for myself.

What I was actually doing was abusing myself and letting others abuse and take advantage of me. This is not love nor friendship.

You are the one who has the keys to your happiness. You can choose to express yourself in whichever way you want. Don’t live your life dependent on anyone’s beliefs, opinions or thoughts of you. I know it is much easier said than done but once you start embracing who you are, you begin to embrace your real happiness.

You are giving yourself the gift of true respect, authenticity and love. People who love you for you will be there and those that don’t, well that relationship wasn’t right for you anyway.

Way to start embracing who you really are right now:

  1. Live from your heart- Begin to check in with yourself and see how you are feeling throughout the day. Live from your heart and make decisions that won’t compromise your happiness later.
  2. Learn to say “no”- It is okay to say no. You can turn down an invite, or not always be the therapist for your friend to talk to. Put your needs first and if you aren’t fully comfortable there is nothing wrong with just plain saying,  “No” or “Not right now”. People are willing to wait and be patient.
  3. Set boundaries- Yes, we must all set boundaries but for us people-pleasers this can be the most difficult. If someone isn’t respecting your boundaries voice it in the most kind yet assertive way possible. You want to make your point and be clear.

Turn a new leaf today and start living, breathing and being

you.

When Your Family Hurts You & It’s Time to Let Go

“At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.”

Blood is thicker than water or so they say.  All my life I’ve been taught that no matter what happens you will always have your family and to never turn your back on your own blood.

However, what if the people we call “family” end up hurting us more than loving us? Do we hold on and forget our feelings? Or do we let go and realize that sometimes we have to love even our family at a distance?

Recently, my brother who I haven’t spoken to in two years (of his own doing) sent me a series of hateful text messages. Mind you, the last memory I have with him is hugging and wishing him a safe deployment.

Upon his arrival home from Iraq, he dropped off the grid with his wife and isolated himself from me and all of our close cousins. We tried numerous times to contact and connect with him but he was adamant on cutting ties with all of us.  We had no idea why and couldn’t understand what could have possibly happened. So you can imagine when I woke up to hateful text messages two days before my birthday, I was in shock, appalled and hurt.

These messages were filled with hate, anger and curse words calling me every name under the sun and disowning me as a sister. I couldn’t believe he was okay with talking not just to his sister but a woman in such an abusive way. It was a wake up call about the relationship I have and tolerate from my parents and brother.

Through some sleepless nights of crying and feeling sorry for myself, I realized I had to let go and really say goodbye. It’s never an easy decision to close the door between you and your own blood. In the end, I realized the only person who I could change is me and that my family had been only bringing me unhappiness and toxicity.

I couldn’t allow them to drag me into their own dysfunction and abuse again. I had to reclaim my power as a person with feelings and boundaries.

Often times in situations with family, we tend to feel guilty or shame if we decide to cut ties or lessen communication. However, if the relationship is becoming extremely unhealthy, abusive or toxic it is necessary to place some space between you and them for your own well-being. Someone once told me that sometimes you have to teach people how you want to be treated.

If you are in a similar predicament with family or close loved one, here are some tips to help you cope with the loss of saying goodbye:

1. Set boundaries- I have always had trouble expressing my boundaries with my family. I always feel like they never understand my perspective. However through the years I have learned boundaries aren’t for them, they are for me. Whether they choose to listen or respect my concerns is on them, I know I have voiced it. I can then decide how to move forward with the relationship and evaluate whether it is healthy to be in communication or not.

Don’t be afraid to set boundaries with your family and express them many times if need be. If they aren’t listening or understanding your concerns then you may have to reassess what type of family dynamic is healthy for you.

2. The Funeral- This is an intense and powerful exercise if you are faced with the decision of possibly saying goodbye to your family or cutting all ties.

Write down letters to the family members who have hurt you. Make sure you to do this in a quiet and undisturbed space where you are most clear and at ease. Write from the heart and don’t be afraid to share how you feel. These letters won’t actually be read by those family members.

Imagine that they have passed and you are attending their funeral. What would you want to say to them? After you finish writing your letters, burn them and find a place to hold a memorial or ceremony with their “ashes”.

3. Release Guilt & Blame- If you are feeling guilty about putting space between you and your family, don’t. You are a person with feelings and don’t deserve to be treated less than. Don’t blame yourself or start thinking if you were a certain way or behaved differently perhaps they wouldn’t be the way they are. You are not in the wrong. Whenever anyone treats with you disrespect or abuse, you are never in the wrong. Let go of your guilt and don’t blame yourself for their actions or dysfunction.

Lastly, love yourself and start the journey to heal from the wounds of the past. You deserve it. You are stronger and braver than you know and no one can take away your power unless you give it to them. Trust in your decision to take your space and love your family from a distance. You are giving yourself the best gift of all, true self-love.

How to Heal from a Breakup

heartbreakYou are probably reading this because like me you’ve experienced some form of loss or heartbreak either in the past or right now. Heartbreak doesn’t have to just come from intimate partners but from our parents, friends, pets, etc. Loss is loss even if it’s not romantic. I’ve written about this many times before but working as a psychic medium and from general experience I have spoken with so many people who have lost someone or something including myself.

Breakups are like a shock to the system. Our worlds are turned upside down and it’s almost as if we have been knocked down to rock bottom. Sometimes there are warning signs and we may expect it to end soon and other times we are completely blind-sided. In my case with my own recent breakup, it was a mixture of both. We had our flare-ups and there were definitely issues of concern but I didn’t think it was impossible to work through. However in the end, those issues became larger and larger and eventually led to an abrupt ending which left me wondering if it had been all my fault.

Not only did it bring a variety of mixed emotions but the pain that remained was the worst most gut-wrenching feeling ever. I wondered if I’d be able to breathe again or if I could just get through one work day without taking bathroom breaks to cry.  Let me tell you that tissue box became my best friend! Most days were a roller coaster of emotions for me. In just 5 minutes I would feel angry, sad, destroyed, happy, hopeful, angry, relieved and then hopeful all over again and that cycle would repeat all day.

After enough days of crying myself to sleep, loss of appetite and lack of motivation to do anything I finally came to terms that I needed to start taking care of myself. I had to accept it was over and there weren’t going to be any second chances, not because I wanted one but because I realized I didn’t want that relationship anymore.

After seeing someone you loved so deeply walk away from you and give up fighting for something they once believed in, you sort of have to just accept things and let it go. I couldn’t force it and I wasn’t going to prove that I was worth it, that we were worth it.

I’m a firm believer in everything happens for a reason and I’m definitely not a weak person by nature so I decided I would start the healing process and force myself to move on and let that relationship go.

I found in the process people were so quick to tell me: 1. You’re strong, you’ll get through this, 2. Time heals all wounds (my personal not favorite), 3. You’ll get over it, something better is to come. There were so many cliche responses and so many of them that just didn’t help in my healing process. I personally feel the last thing someone wants to hear is any of those. When you’re hurting, you’re hurting and time nor space nor a million affirmations are going are going to heal you, at least not right away.

So how did I move on? And more importantly, how we can move on from a break up? How can we heal from the loss of someone we shared a life with? Will the pain ever subside and just plain go away?

Here are some ways that helped me and I hope they help you in your journey towards healing and happiness.

1. Create a strong support group.

The biggest thing for me was having strong reliable friends and family to be there whether it was just to listen to me rant or have a fun outing to take my mind off everything.  I can’t be more grateful for everyone who picked me up and reminded me of who I really am and what I’m worthy and deserving of.   Having a strong support network is a top priority in the healing process. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help or just some relationship advice. They will be your backbone and your foundation when you feel like you’re losing sight of the bigger picture.

2. Find a confidant, mentor or therapist to guide you.

After breakups, our emotional state is so raw. We are wounded and sometimes need someone who is a neutral party to guide us on our way to recovery. I have an amazing therapist who helped me connect with my emotions in a positive way and understand that relationship and breakup in a wiser perspective. If you aren’t someone who does therapy, then find a teacher/coach/confidant or mentor who can push  and encourage you along your path. It seriously is some of the best medicine emotionally and mentally! I always leave my session feeling lighter and happier and more confident in my life decisions.

3. Focus on physical and mental health.

After we ended, I decided to focus and channel all my energy on running my first half marathon race. I’m definitely no experienced runner but physical health has always been important to me so what better way to channel all those mixed emotions than get in shape and focus on an end goal. You may not want to run a half marathon but perhaps there are physical fitness goals you’ve been wanting to work on. Get a fitness coach or attend a class and set a goal to those pounds you’ve been wanting to shed or just get back into shape and feel good about yourself again! Not only is physical fitness healthy but it makes us feel good about yourself and releases that emotional distress you’re going through.

It’s important to have a mind-body connection and  feel overall balanced in every aspect of our life, so don’t forget your mental and emotional health. Every week focus on short-term goals by exercising x amount of times, eating healthier and making yourself happier by doing something nice for yourself. Writing helped me a lot to connect to my emotions as well as meditation. I also purchased books on grief and healing from a breakup to connect to other people stories and help me in my own.

4. Do what you always wanted to do but never did in that relationship.

Often times, people say they lost themselves in their relationship or compromised so much of their own interests and happiness for the sake of their partner’s. Well you’re single now and it’s all about you! Make a list of all of the things you wanted to do but couldn’t do or didn’t when you were in the relationship and make it a goal to do some of them now! We don’t always need our partners to share experiences with. Reach out to friends and family and ask them to join you in any adventure whether its simply to check out a new restaurant you’ve been dying to try or catch a movie.

5. Disconnect from any social media with your ex. 

Some people remain friends with their exes on social media after their breakups which I personally never understand why. Its like opening an fresh wound over and over again and not letting it heal properly. Social media can be difficult to disconnect from because it’s the last thing that keeps that person alive and fresh in our memory and its also a way for us to still be close to him/her but let’s face it, it really ends up doing more harm than good. Unless you are able to be acquaintances or friends right away, it’s best to cut the cord until you and the person are on the same page emotionally.

6. Put any reminders of them away.

It’s hard to box away sentimental things connected to our exes but for the time being while you are healing it’s often said to put away any reminders. I’m not saying burn it or throw away the items but simply just put it all in a box and come back to it another time when you’re in a stronger place and no longer have an emotional attachment to the items. When you are able to look back at the relationship and have a neutral feeling or sense of gratitude and acceptance then you’ve made great progress.

7. Self-talks. 

You may look back and realized you made a huge mistake or think it was all your fault. However, remind yourself of all the reasons why the relationship wasn’t right for you and what wasn’t working in it. Make a list of all the positives and the negatives and remind yourself every day the reasons why it didn’t or couldn’t work.

I constantly had these inner dialogues with myself and went through a cycle of thoughts of everything I had loved about the relationship to then everything that wasn’t right for me and eventually it really push me to move on and reinforced so many things for me. I still experienced a variety of mixed emotions but In the end, I came to a place of acceptance, peace and understanding that it wasn’t the right relationship for me.

Self-talks will be a huge part of the healing process and honestly are dynamic moving forward. You will always value something about that person and the relationship but also remember the things you were looking for that were unfulfilled and what you’d like in the future with someone new.

8. Love yourself.

Lastly, always remember to love yourself. It’s so easy to beat ourselves up after a break up. Go through all the qualities you love about yourself and that you offer in a relationship. Be around people who also love and adore you. Be compassionate and forgiving of yourself and any mistakes you made in that relationship. Be open to experiencing love from the world through new friendships, opportunities and experiences.

One of my favorite quotes that I will leave with you.

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”