Speak Your Voice even if it F*cking Shakes

aditya-saxena-410663-unsplash

 

The process of sharing my voice has been an uphill battle.

As a child and young adult I never truly felt safe in sharing my voice.

I didn’t know the rage it could carry when angry.

I didn’t know the gentle grace it has when soft.

I didn’t know how powerful it was to move crowds.

It has been in the last few years that I have given my voice a chance to be FREE. To say what it has never said. To feel the tremble of anxiety in front of crowds.

To be on Facebook live and teach webinars, do mediumship messages in front of strangers and liberate myself from the fears of judgment, rejection and disapproval.

Or worse.

My little girl is slowly leaving and my woman voice is rising.

She is firm. Stern. Soft. gentle. nurturing. compassionate, resilient as fuck.

She loves unconditionally.

She holds space with sacredness.

She gives because she just fucking wants to.

And… she curses. Because it feels good.

And these days I am all about doing whatever I can to feel better.

The goal isn’t 100% going to be to feel good. But I can make it a goal to feel better.

So I am giving myself permission to be FREE as fuck. In my communication.

In my message. In my loudness. In my softness.

I still am learning boundaries. To give and to receive.

TO SAY NO.

NO is still hard. It is safe for me to say no now with grace and ease.

For those who are not sure what their voice is or are stepping into the power of the voice here are some tools that have helped me:

  1. Scream. Find a mountain. Find a room. Your car. And scream as loud as you want to. Scream all the things that your heart hurts from! Scream all the things you want! Shout it into the universe! What are you deserving of? What are you healing from? Who do you want to curse out? DO IT! And don’t hold back.
  2. Sing. Sing in the shower. Sing strange sounds. Make up new words. Play with sound.
  3. Speak up. Be the first to speak up in a crowd of people. Raise your hand. Everyone else is probably too scared to speak their truth. Do it and be the source of change.

These are a few tools I practice to help me release, transform and hear what I want to say, what I need to say, and what I MUST say.

It doesn’t always have to make sense. It is an experiment with you finding, hearing, soothing your voice.

Be free voice, be free.

The Love You Give to Another.

nick-fewings-532590-unsplash.jpg

“Could I love him

any more deeply?”,

I asked myself after we ended our evening call.

Perhaps it is not

the depths of my love that needs to be measured.

But the trust

to know

that it is there.

The thing about relationships

is we hope the other will get us,

fill us up

when we are empty,

calm our storms

when we can’t see the rainbow.

I’ve learned through trial and error

there is no soul

that can fill us up

but our own.

Use the love you give to another

and let it be the medicine

you give to yourself.

The first song you sing in the morning,

the first drop of coffee on your tongue,

the first light that hits your window,

yes, my love

give your love to another

but first

give it

to

yourself.

 

 

 

 

How to Come Out of the Spiritual Closet

hernan-sanchez-172305.jpg

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”. – Anais Nin

Coming out the spiritual closet can be terrifying. I know.

My journey to owning my gifts has been an ongoing relationship of love, acceptance and surrender.

I feel that most days I am uncomfortable but in my practice of being human I remember that I am not separate from others.

If anything my gifts brings me closer to connection, trust and vulnerability.

Talking dreams, spirit, intuition and all the things that are still becoming mainstream can be scary but yet invigorating.

I find liberation in my practice through yoga, pranayama, journaling and meditation. I find answers that I otherwise don’t get it in my waking life.

The process to discovering, owning and then sharing our gifts with the world is a delicate journey.

Some people leap right in and for some of us it takes time.

I like to remind myself that on the other side of fear is freedom.

It is a constant practice of sharing my gifts with the world.

This is true for anyone passionate about anything. Artists, writers, creatives, chefs, craftsmanship. It all requires a sense of mastery and surrender.

Letting go of the effect but trusting in the process.

Coming out of the spiritual closet requires:

  1. Remembering “WHY” we fell in love with the art of spirituality
  2. Having a vision that we are committed to, i.e. I teach people life-changing spiritual tools so they can live free, transformed and intuitively guided lives supported by the universe.
  3. Surrender, i.e. surrendering to being present with every moment being a gift to share something beautiful about ourselves in hopes of helping another
  4. Trust; trusting that there is a reason and purpose for what we feel to be true in our nature and relationship to self and the universe.

Start big, start small. Mainly just start.

The first step begins now.

On the other side of every doubt, fear, insecurity is a new gift waiting to be received.

What It’s Like to Live with Spiritual Gifts

“Living with spiritual gifts must feel weird, huh?”

“Can you turn it off ever?”

“Do you pick up on everything around you?”

frank-mckenna-269323

These are some of questions people ask me when I tell them I am intuitive.

I share that I can feel information about someone.

I can also feel information from passed loved ones.

Living with spiritual gifts doesn’t feel any different from anyone else.

I don’t see my gifts different or separate from me. If anything it has led me to live a more fulfilled life.

I see my gifts as tools; tools that we all have.

You have them too.

It’s like watching a tree bloom in the spring.

The buds slowly come into their true expression, their form, beauty and color.

We are all really just coming into our full true authentic expression.

This is what it means to live a real life.

Gifts can be intuition, compassion, listening, craftsmanship, science, reasoning, art, dance.

We all have our own way of feeling, sensing and knowing life.

We have an inner world that we wake up in every morning.

Spiritual gifts give me insight into what I am doing that is bringing me closer to my dharma, my purpose in life. It also shows me what I need to let go, new ways to see life and bring healing to myself and others.

I wake up and have a chat with the universe first second my brain turns on.

I listen to the thoughts that arrive.

I listen to the intuitive knowledge that comes.

How can I best serve myself and others today?, is the question I ask.

Sometimes I know immediately.

Sometimes the answer comes later.

Intuitively I weave myself through my experiences from my cup of coffee, my morning talks with my boyfriend, client calls, writing, social media, my dog and yoga practice.

Every experience is a moment to serve. And intuitively receive.

I gain new wisdom and fresh knowledge.

New information to share in the world.

This is a potent time for people to realize who they were all along.

My gifts bring me sanity, happiness, joy and love.

They show me what really is necessary and what I am getting distracted by.

Discovering your spiritual gifts opens a door that was always there.

As the great witch from the Wizard of Oz said to Dorothy, “You had the power all along, my dear”.

We have the power to find home inside of us.

The universe and all of it’s infinite wisdom is right here.

Open your senses and listen.

Finding Your Way Through the Darkness

alexa-mazzarello-192172

When you are the end of your rope, tie a know and hold on. When you think you are at the end of your journey, reach out your hand and someone will meet you there.” – Emily Stroia, Into the Light 

I know the darkness like an old friend who comes to haunt me when I start falling into old belief patterns. I know the darkness like a wave that I have been submerged under and also conquered.

The darkness is there to show us how far we can go down the rabbit hole or climb up it. It is there to show us our edge.

Our minds are powerful guides that can take us on a journey of destruction or resilience.

For me I have experienced both.

I know that the path of sabotage and destruction has only made me feel worse. Resilience when life knocks me down reminds me that I am greater than my circumstance. I am greater than the darkness.

Finding your way through the darkness requires faith.

Faith that there is a silver lining somewhere.

If you can’t find it relentlessly create it.

Make art from the darkness.

Write.

Let the chaos serve a purpose that is healthy.

Move your body. Let music carry your emotions.

We have two choices.

We can fall to the power of our fear or let the fear has it’s voice and keep going.

Like any thing in life if we want it we can push through.

The darkness can be a friend, a gift, an opportunity to see life from all perspectives.

My favorite quote, “But without the darkness we cannot see the stars”.

I have realized that without my story I wouldn’t be the light I am.

We are never alone. The universe supports us in all things.

Dreams & Old Hurts.

What we want versus what we must do are two very completely different things. In my quest to heal the traumas of the past I have learned that the only way out is through.

I may not want to go through the process to reflect and clear trauma but I know that I must to make space for it.

To give it a voice and to let all the hurt from those memories be free.

18076689_10155351021101424_2776611793883934728_oYesterday I went very deep in two meditations enough to forget my body for a split second. I jolted back into the reality of my teacher’s voice and noticed where my mind had gone.

I went into an archive tucked away in time to a distant and near memories. One of which I got my heart broken and the other a trauma around the belief of not being lovable.

Sad but true.

Meditation is such a phenomenal tool in gaining insight on what is underneath all of the layers of my “self”.

In it I gain perspective and some peace that wasn’t there before.

This morning I woke up from several intense dreams where I released some buried hurt around two very traumatic relationships. One of my father where he transformed into a hummingbird and passed away.

I realized that in my hurt I could still see his worthiness. While he may not transform in this life he has the opportunity to transform in other dimensions.

We are never truly fixed as we are.

Dreams are opportunities for us to grow, expand and learn outside of ourselves. With intention and awareness I believe we can heal a lot in the dream state.

We are worthy of giving ourselves this.

Kintsugi is the art of embracing the flawed and imperfect by mending together broken and shattered pottery with gold lacquer highlighting the cracks rather than hiding them.

I like to consider that my healing journey is like the art of Kintsugi. Perhaps my heart is a mirror of the image above.

Pure with gold outlines.

Whatever our old hurts may be we can take them and give them light. Show them there is still beauty in the flaws.

The story is perfect and whole as we are.

-From Emily, With Love.

 

 

Embracing Who You Really Are

https://i0.wp.com/goldenwordsofself.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/embrace-yourself.jpg “Embrace who you are and don’t make any apologies for being yourself.”

Have you ever felt ashamed of who you are? Do you shy away from showing your real self? Are you afraid of what others will think of you, flaws and all? The ultimate battle between who we are and who we think we should be can be a loud voice inside our heads, stopping us from “coming out” with our truth.

However, letting outside beliefs, conditions or people dictate how we live isn’t okay. Neither is living in an emotional prison that may have been built by yourself and others. We create the lives we live. There isn’t anyone else who really has control over our personality, lifestyle or beliefs unless we give them that power.

For years, I felt ashamed of the person I am. I felt like I needed to hide my past from people, to hide the dark truths of my life and also just hide myself. I felt the desire to please people first instead of making myself happy because that is what I believed real friendship and love depended on. If I was everything they wanted me to be then I would have a friend, partner or mentor to be there for me like I was for them.

However, I was rudely awakened. Making everyone else happy and putting my needs last was the worst thing I could have done for myself. Not only did I lose those people in the end but I also lost me. I was so afraid to talk, speak up or share what I was thinking and feeling. I didn’t want to be judged or seen as weak or naive.  I always felt the need to apologize for myself.

What I was actually doing was abusing myself and letting others abuse and take advantage of me. This is not love nor friendship.

You are the one who has the keys to your happiness. You can choose to express yourself in whichever way you want. Don’t live your life dependent on anyone’s beliefs, opinions or thoughts of you. I know it is much easier said than done but once you start embracing who you are, you begin to embrace your real happiness.

You are giving yourself the gift of true respect, authenticity and love. People who love you for you will be there and those that don’t, well that relationship wasn’t right for you anyway.

Way to start embracing who you really are right now:

  1. Live from your heart- Begin to check in with yourself and see how you are feeling throughout the day. Live from your heart and make decisions that won’t compromise your happiness later.
  2. Learn to say “no”- It is okay to say no. You can turn down an invite, or not always be the therapist for your friend to talk to. Put your needs first and if you aren’t fully comfortable there is nothing wrong with just plain saying,  “No” or “Not right now”. People are willing to wait and be patient.
  3. Set boundaries- Yes, we must all set boundaries but for us people-pleasers this can be the most difficult. If someone isn’t respecting your boundaries voice it in the most kind yet assertive way possible. You want to make your point and be clear.

Turn a new leaf today and start living, breathing and being

you.